De Su Mama

Legacy of Multiracial Motherhood

6 Types of Friends Every Woman Needs

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About a year ago, while attending my mom’s group, a speaker took the stage and shared incredible wisdom that has changed the way I look at women and friendship ever since. She explored the various types of mom friends every woman needs by way of a chocolate chip cookie analogy. Did she just say a cookie? Ya, I was surprised too. But her words were so simple, so easy to remember and apply to interpersonal connections, that the analogy has forever changed the way I form friendships, maintain them and the expectations I set.

To say this analogy has changed my life would be an understatement. For years, I’ve been guilty of applying inappropriate expectations on friendships, thus watching the cookie crumble (pun intended), instead of appreciating the distinct values each woman offered. Not everyone is going to be a BFF, but that doesn’t mean they’re useless to your life.

If your social life and need for friendships can be viewed as a chocolate chip cookie, then it’s safe to say that the ingredients in your recipe would serve various purposes. As you read through the friendship types, ask yourself who these women are in your life. ALSO, think about how you serve them! What is your purpose to the women you interact with on a daily basis?

Here are the 6 types of friends every woman needs in her life right now…

6 Mom Friends Every Woman Needs 6 Mom Friends Every Woman Needs

The Chocolate Chip: Otherwise known as the BFF, the chocolate chip is the only ingredient in a cookie recipe that can be enjoyed outside of the cookie itself. All the other ingredients come together to make a great cookie, but you probably won’t be snacking on baking soda with a glass of wine while watching Scandal. On the flip side, your chocolate chips are friends that can be consumed either as part of your whole cookie or completely on their own.

You have known these women for a long time or met them in one life phase and developed a friendship that explores other phases; these relationships are multidimensional and go beyond just one part of your identity (woman, mom, business owner, human being). Your Chocolate Chip Friends know your ugly sides and still stick around. These are the friends who’s business plans you evaluate, who’s tears you’ve wiped, who’s babies you changed or families you’ve met. You’ve been in arguments and disagreements, but find your way back into the same cookie of life. You can take your chocolate chips anywhere – introduce them to most any sector of your life – and it would make sense: chocolate chip friends can be enjoyed as part of the whole cookie OR completely by themselves.

For example: One of my dearest Chocolate Chips came into my life as a mom friend, but we’ve since developed a friendship far deeper than our roles as mothers. I lean on her for guidance, laughs and inspiration. We do boot camp together, shop flea markets and enjoy our children. We don’t have everything in common, but at our core, we get each other. You never know when or where you’ll meet a chocolate chip! 

6 Mom Friends Every Woman Needs

Flour Friends: Appreciating the importance of Flour Friends was one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in the last year. Not everyone will be Chocolate Chip Friends – nor should every friendship be “judged” on the ability to connect in complex ways – but everyone (especially moms!) needs Flour Friends. I’ll say it again – every mom needs Flour Friends!

Think about it: the most substantial ingredient in a cookie recipe is what? You guessed it, flour! Flour binds your cookie together, giving it the base in which all the other ingredients can connect. Even chocolate chips taste sweeter when baked into flour! This type of friendship is maybe the most undervalued in a woman’s life as Flour Friends are the village that make things just a little easier during a given phase of your life.

A woman might call her Flour Friends to pick up a kid from school when she’s 5 minutes late or ask advice on the next grade level teachers. Flour Friends have extra keys to your house when you’re on vacation or meet you at the park for mommy play-dates. Flour Friends are neighbors who bring you soup when you’re sick or make phone calls to their contacts to help solve a particular problem. All woman need Flour Friends to solidify their cookie, make her life feel stable to allow the other ingredients to do their parts.

For example: My BFF for decades is certainly one of my chocolate chips, but she lives in another town and doesn’t yet have school-aged kids. Not to mention she has a demanding career outside of motherhood. Though I adore her, I can’t casually call her in the middle of day or ask her to pick my kids up in a pinch. She just isn’t accessible to me in that way right now in our lives. And that’s okay!

True, you wouldn’t consume flour by itself and the same goes with these friendships: they might not exist if not for being in a similar life phase, career field, location, etc. But these friendships serve an incredibly important purpose in our lives. Flour Friendships deserve our tenderness, admiration and the deepest level of respect.

6 Mom Friends Every Woman Needs

Find These 4 Mom Friends Right Now!

These 4 types of mom friends are often overlooked…but find them right now!

The Baking Soda Friend: You know those days when you’re feeling down or lacking inspiration… who do you reach out to? Who do you call? Think about that carefully because, though your Flour Friends are most accessible, they might not be the best people to place this weight on. Chocolate Chips are always there for you, but their purpose isn’t always about elevating you. Every woman needs Baking Soda friends that understand their role in your life is to uplift you, cheer you on, keep thing positive and progressively moving.

In a nutshell, Baking Soda Friends are in our lives to help us rise. They’re the ingredient we need before we take on a new project or seeking inspiration. They offer us truth, tools, tips and tricks, and perspective. They are mentors – sometimes in similar professional fields or living with values that we recognize as important. They teach us lessons in the areas where we lack, anything from parenting to marketing or our marriages.

For example: I have Baking Soda Friends in the blogging world; writers that I’m friendly with and admire; even moms who are profoundly patient with their kids, a virtue I’m always trying to cultivate in my motherhood. I need each of these women in my life!

6 Mom Friends Every Woman Needs

White Sugar Friends: Your YES friends! You know the ones. The friends that are supportive and happy, always willing to offer a positive word of praise. These friends are proper, polite and, beyond all else, positive!

For example: I have so many White Sugar Friends that I adore completely; friends on social media that I don’t get to see often or even chat with on Messenger because of our busy schedules, but who are willing to share in the joys of life together by appreciating the roles of White Sugar Friendships. Don’t count these friendships out! They bring us joy and will us to keep going!

Brown Sugar Friends: Your “Hell NAW” posse. These friends are women who have.your.back. You might not chat often, but you share a love between each other. These friends are also super positive and uplifting, but are less worried about being polite then they are protecting your heart.

For example: For honesty sake, I thought I had this crew under my belt but, when the cookie burned, they crumbled. I crumbled. So goes life. No hard feelings. Time to bake another batch.

Salt: Every cookie recipe needs the tiniest bit of salt. This ingredient helps all other ingredients taste better and make the overall cookie sweeter. But don’t add a huge amount. Just enough to put life in perspective.

And that’s it, amigas…. the 6 friends every woman needs in her life and the reminder to put proper expectations on relationships. How many of these friendships do you have? And in what capacity are you serving them?

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