Bringing home a new baby is a big event for any family, for any one person. After months of anticipation and emotional preparation, the moment of “bringing home baby” can be very climactic. Emotions run high {and least I forget to mention those pesty hormones!} and, in my experience, for however happy the day is, it still brings undue stress. I’m a worrier, what can I say. Being zen and staying “in the moment” were of high priority for me, and ones that I {tried to} remain purposed in when bringing Sebastian into this world.
But how do you prepare a two year old for an event that will change the course of their life forever? How do I prepare my beautiful first born to meet her sibling? To receive him in our home? To share the love of her parents, who have focused solely on her the previous two years?
At two years and three months old, Alina is pretty darn aware of the world around her. Her comprehension astounds me daily and I love to explore that knowledge through conversation. I speak to her in uncomplicated sentences, give simple directives and only offer two choices at a time. I listen to my child {because really, the girl loves to talk and we have no choice} and can decipher a message that would otherwise get lost because of mixed matched pronouns or opposite phrasings. If there is anything I am fairly confident about in my parenting, is that I do my best to listen and hear my child’s message. Not that I’m always right, but I try my best.
In preparing for Sebastian’s homecoming, our family did all the normal things to help Alina adjust: read a ton of books, enjoyed the company of other babies {specifically other “baby brothers”}, pretend play with baby dolls, and more than anything, we talked. Talked about being a big sister, including concrete visions of what that meant for her. We talked about all the things she could teach her baby brother. We talked about how much baby brother would love her. We talked about how delicate the baby would be, and practiced how to hold a baby with her dolls. We set rules and boundaries in anticipation of Sebastian’s arrival well in advance{for example, Alina was never allowed to play in, around or otherwise put anything inside Sebastian’s crib, car seat, etc}. Since I breastfeed, we also talked about how the baby would feed.
When I say “we talked”, I mean we conversated all day long for months and months about becoming a sibling. And as Alina’s development matured, or a concept was grasped, I added new elements of big-sisterhood to the conversation. It was a very gradual evolution, and one that I took very seriously.
My biggest fear is that, at the onset of this dramatic change in her life, Alina would feel ousted or rejected. That somehow the day would be viewed as a negative change to her family. And ultimately, that as I focus on a tiny newborn, my and Alina’s bond would suffer. {Goodness, I love this girl too much.}
Towards the end of my pregnancy, I felt that I had done as much as I could to prepare my toddler for a positive transition. She loved, kissed and talked to baby brother {aka, my belly} daily and didn’t seem to hold any resentment towards all the changes happening in our household. But really, there was no way to predict her reaction for when the belly turned real life baby.
So the last couple weeks before my scheduled c-section, I made every effort to give Alina my undivided attention and the quality time I knew she would lack once our second child was born. I took a break from daily blogging and other social media venues {did you miss me?}. I kept phone calls to a limit. I responded to texts briefly. I disconnected from the world for a bit in order to connect with our one and only child.
We went to the park by ourselves. We went to storytime by ourselves. When I had errands to run, I tried my best to make it fun. And, on a day like this one, we spent a few hours painting and creating art {Alina on the easel and I through my camera lens}. We had a blast! I really tried my best to give Alina all of me, the best of me, for the last week or so of being a family of three.
I don’t know if that quality time together, along with the months of preparation, made a difference in how well she has received the arrival of her baby brother, but I do know that Alina is adjusted. She is a happy Big Sister. Sebastian’s coming home has been near seamless, not perfect, but pretty darn close. I’m a lucky girl.
I’m sure she’s going to be a fabulous big sister!