Alina’s Love Letter: Two And A Half Years Old

Mi Querida Hija,
El amor mas grande de mi vida,

Today’s letter is a bit difficult for your old mama to write. After today, you will be half a year closer to three years old, and for many days before this one, I’ve realized that your baby moments are all but gone. Giving birth to you has changed my life in ways I could have never imagined: you’ve given me the reason to be more honest, more vulnerable, more humble, more courageous. I am so much more the person I’ve always wanted to be because of the desire to do my best by you. So as you turn the definitive corner to kid-hood, and progressively become more independent, how is a mom not supposed to grieve just a tiny bit?

You learn so much everyday. Recently, you have discovered the concept of friendship. And while you express your love for your close friends with so much sincerity, the swell in my heart when you call me your best friend is more than I can take sometimes. The tears just have no where to go, but out. Alina, my love, to be your best friend would be the biggest honor of my life. While I will not raise you with friendship in sight in the coming years {I believe in being a protector and guide, first}, true friendship with a woman of your most certain caliber is something I aspire to gain. I pray we will be best friends forever, my sweet girl.

But, as of today, you are still my silly two and a half year old with chocolate on her lips, pink purse in tow and beautiful curls flowing through the air. You still love to cuddle and read books. You twirl like a ballerina, and try to curtsy now too. There is not much left of the baby you once were: no high chair to eat at, no sippy cups to prevent spills and, as of about a month go, no more diapers. We talk all day long about all the things you wonder and see in your world. The concepts that you formulate and communicate are quite sophisticated for a little girl your age. Your memory is stellar.

You have many favorite books at the moment, but Mommy’s favorite is called: I Like Myself. It is my favorite because I love to hear you recite the lines, which you have memorized. We read it every night and I love its message and, of course, the cute little brown girl fluttering about the pages. I sit here, with eyes closed and heart open, praying or mediating or whatever you want to call it, that you listen to the words of that very smart book: I like myself! I’m glad I’m me! There’s no one else I’d rather be.

Alina, I hope you know how beautiful you are. Your Daddy tells you every single day. I hope that, when you leave the arms of our nest, society will acknowledge your beauty too. But let me tell you now a tip of advice that your GG would always tell me: there is no bigger beauty than the one that comes from the inside, from yourself. Don’t wait for others to love the person you are. And although it took me many years to fully understand this, I am grateful for her voice reminding to love myself first. Walk this world radiating your inside beauty for all to see and believe in the outside beauty that the world will become accustomed to. Always treat people with kindness, be humble, but take pride in the beauty that you are. There is so much power in knowing your worth, sweet child. Know it, own it, and the world will have no choice but to accept it. Don’t ever shy away from what your Mama is telling you: you are beautiful. Period.

We welcomed your little brother into our family in the months since you turned two. Becoming a big sister has changed you in so many wonderful ways. I’ll admit, I was a bit worried about how a baby would alter your personality or temperament. I’m not sure how I got so lucky to have such a patient and loving, well adjusted child. I tell everyone who asks: you are an AMAZING big sister. Simply astounding. I’m kind of shocked myself, actually, with how well you’ve handled yourself in this monumental occurrence. You are still only two and can run your mama ragged at times with your constant chatting and occasional bout of extreme whining, but when it comes to your role of big sister, you are flawless.

Alina, the amount of love and adoration I have for you is impossibly without measure. This letter lacks so much of what I want you to feel, but as I tried to write it so many times before, I’ve come to realize that maybe a mother’s love just can’t fully be applied to paper and pen. There just are no limits to the things I would do for you, the layers I would shed for you, the struggles I would endure for you.

As the months ease past Summer to the comforts of Fall, as the winds cool and the holidays come around again, all I will be thinking of about is that third birthday that will take my toddler away. I welcome it, I have no choice, but I loved being mommy to my first baby…. and today, I’m grieving just a tiny bit.

I love you, sweet child of mine.

Te quiero por siempre y después de siempre,
Su Mama