Communication and marriage: Mission Impossible?
So often I write about positive parenting, raising happy kids, building our family legacy. I write about those things because I am always thinking about those things; giving these babies a youth full of traditions and relevance to their overall life is something so dear to me. I want them to look back at their youth when gauging how to live their future. But, I don’t frequently write about how important my marriage is to the foundation of our family legacy.
Before we were married, Daddy D and I had all the time in the world to communicate. And we did. But now, with two babies to raise, a household to maintain, I would be lying if I didn’t express the hardship that is keeping the communication in a marriage alive. These past few weeks have been especially challenging as they have been wrought with stress. While sure to be positive in the long term, re-orgs and promotions at his work has given D plenty of occasions to come home mentally exhausted.
So, what’s the big deal about communication?
For me, to communicate with someone is to be understood from your perspective. It’s a feeling of connectedness that translates to happiness and self worth. It’s taking the time and energy to emote in a way that the sole intention is for your audience to, not only hear, but is open and adsorbing of your message. For me, the growth that happens when you engage in communication is probably most addictive. My relentless love of communication is why I write, why I annoy and my most effective tool for personal growth. I just can’t understand life without communicating with the people in it. Daddy D isn’t so convinced, however.
The Challenge of Communication and Marriage
I speak of this almost never, but being a product of divorce has impacted my identity in ways that continue to unfold as I mature. The reasons I chose to marry D rest strongly in that identity, since I had never felt more assured of someone’s love before meeting him. In my life, in my legacy, my husband equates to my stability. He is my constant. He sealed the deal after years of grueling communication that, in the end, was enough for me.
But we’re so busy with life these days! I can hardly catch my breath, let alone gather them to sit down and convince my mild tempered husband to talk with me about his thoughts, stresses and wishes. We have kids to bathe, stories to read, American Idol to watch. Blah.
A Renewed Focus on Love and Marriage
I love being a mom – L.O.V.E. However, as Sebastian approaches his first birthday, so do our days as parents of babies end. And I have to admit: I am looking forward to this next stage of our lives, as a family, as a woman and mom, AND in my relationship with my husband. I am looking forward to having time to leisurely communicate with the complex man I fell in love with many years ago.
In the meantime, we still have a family legacy to build together. So, this weekend, we decided to renew our focus on family, love and marriage by taking turns planning simple, inexpensive activities to do on the weekends. The idea is, now that the weather is warming up, get out of our elements and see where inspiration takes us.
This weekend was Daddy D’s turns, and he wanted to hike at Red Rock Canyon, an amazing vision of natural beauty not far from our home. We were able to exercise, be outside, and since Sebastian was asleep in the Ergo and Alina was exploring, we actually had time to communicate! We talked about his stresses at work, what this new move means for our family and what direction we see our legacy moving towards in the coming years.
Those couple hours of open communication in a marriage was the best Valentine’s Day gift – better than any flowers or chocolates- because it made me feel connected, understood and unified with the man that I base my entire life on.
We are so far from perfect. So far. But where we lack in excitement and adventure, we thrive in commitment and stability. And, right now, a few hours of communication is thrilling enough for me.