As if you haven’t read, seen or heard, this is the cover of TIME Magazine’s May issue hitting stands today… two days before Mother’s Day. The tag line eludes to the article’s bias towards attachment parenting and suggests that those of us who do not conform to those standards are not “mom enough”. Well, that sucks. And I’ll tell you why.
But, because I’m sure focus will immediately turn towards the image of momsla.com blogger Jamie Lynn Grumet nursing her almost four year old son, let’s chat some about that….
First off, who in heaven’s name nurses like that? Standing up? With child standing on a chair? And is it me, or is TIME Magazine and their provocative imagine trying to sexualize {a.k.a. sell more magazines} the most natural act of nursing? Goodness gracious, get over it. Women feed their babies from their breast. There is nothing sexual about the experience whatsoever. Neither is it headline news. Move. On.
Secondly, how you feed your child is a highly personal decision. Whether or not you breastfeed, and for how long, is not a topic I would ever attack another mother for. However, since we are on topic, these are my personal beliefs….
~ I’m not a medical professional, but from my limited knowledge, is it a fact that {for the average, healthy woman} breastfeeding is the healthiest option available for baby.
~ I breastfed Alina, and will hopefully breastfeed Sebastian, for the first twelve months.
~ I believe it is an incredible act of love, nurture and an experience I will cherish for all of my life.
~ Breastfeeding is the hardest natural act I have ever undertaken, and I had to show a huge amount of commitment to be successful in it {with Alina, Sebastian has been a breeze}.
~ I had/have no desire to breastfeed my kids any longer than 12 months, when at which time they can sufficiently meet their dietary needs from regular food. For me, I was a happier mother being able to gain some independence, as well as my body, back after nearly two years of committing it to the creation and nourishment of my children. Breastfeeding is a two way street, and after 12 months, my street was no longer a willing route of nourishment or comfort. My love, hugs, kisses, embrace and adoration will always be plentiful, however. I would never judge you for breastfeeding your four year old, so don’t judge me for stopping at one.
And since the article apparently bases the compelling cover on the idea that attachment parenting is superior to, um, ‘other’ parents, these are my beliefs on AP…
~ I do not cosleep. In fact, I don’t think I would sleep at all if Alina were in our bed. She loves her bed, as do I, and this is how our family gets down as far as sleep goes. To each their own.
~ I adore, love, am crazy about babywearing. Did I mention I love carrying my baby whenever possible or necessary to calm them down? I don’t believe for one second that I am spoiling them by doing so.
~ I do not subscribe to CIO methods, mostly because Alina is as stubborn as I am and would never stop crying. Like, ever. Sebastian has a different temperament, but Daddy D and I are both against letting him cry it out for no reason {obviously, while driving in a car, you don’t really have a choice}.
~ In regards to raising a toddler, I am a chronic disciplinarian. I hold Alina to age appropriate standards of behavior, don’t give her a laundry list of choices throughout the day, and kind of run this shop dictator style. So what? We like rules. Does that make me a bad mom? One that restricts her development by containing her to boundaries? You can judge me when my kid says please and thank you without prompts at our next play date.
So, now that we’ve cleared the air, let me get on with what REALLY ircked me about this cover….
Time Magazine, are you seriously suggesting that I am not MOM enough because I don’t breastfeed indefinitely or parent by every parameter of Dr. Sear’s AP theories?
If so, my answer is YES. I am. And this is why:
~ I parent my children with purporse and awareness, every. single. day.
~ When Alina wakes up each morning, I act like I haven’t seen in her in years. And truth is, I missed her tremendously while she was asleep. She is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen, and I get to wake up to her every day.
~ I love their Father. Forever.
And the most profound reason why I know that I am MOM enough…
~ Sebastian stops crying the nanosecond he is in my arms. Sometimes I feel like his eyes are scraping every last detail of my face and committing it into his memory. He melts into the cradle of my arm and becomes contented by the sound of my voice. And when I run my cheek along his, his eyes close in a blissful state of calm.
I don’t need TIME Magazine to tell me that I am MOM enough.
For heaven’s sake, you don’t either! YOU are MOM enough! Whether you breastfed or not, whether you cosleep or babywear or CIO or feed on demand or on a schedule… YOU ARE MOM ENOUGH!
This Mother’s Day, let’s practice some comradery. We all struggle in some way, succeed is others, and LOVE our children in unfathomable capacities. Engaging in some media-hyped mom war over parenting theories conjugred up by a man {oh yes, I just went there} does nothing to empower and uplift mothers. And when it comes to motherhood, we could all use a little uplifting.
How does the saying go… ‘Nobodies happy if Momma ain’t happy’? Not sure about you, but raising happy kids {while being a happy mom} is all that really matters to me.
I haven’t read the article, but from what I read on the cover, I would have thought the article would be in agreeance with your thoughts. It says to me that because some mothers feel guilty about certain things, they are going to extremes in other areas to try and make up for it. An example is when a mother has to return to full time work to pay for food and housing, and feels so guilty she tries to make up for it in another area, but takes it “too far”. From what I have read on this topic, authors always say it’s unfair and unhealthy that mums are getting held to such unrealistic standards by other people, that when one area is lacking, they are labelled terrible mothers, which lead the mother to “extremes”. The problem this all stems from is the simple fact that different people have different interests and priorities. A fitness freak parent will make any other parent who doesn’t hold fitness as the number one priority, feel terribly guilty that they’re neglecting their child’s health and therefore ruining their child’s life. A mother who is so worried about bumps and scratches will make another mother at the playground who is letting their child climb a tree feel so guilty because they’re neglecting their child’s safety and therefore ruining their child’s life. But fitness, having a scratch-free childhood, and any other one part of life is not the top priority. I would say there is no #1 priority. If there is, it would be happiness like you said, however I believe that’s something that is the end result of many other aspects of our lives – responsibility, health, fun, connecting with others etc etc. And just like we all have different likes, there are different ways for our kids to learn these things. Like you, I’m a firm disciplinarian, but I have a friend who doesn’t believe in being the one to dish out the punishments or rewards – she believes children should learn that naturally and only have to deal with the natural consequences of their actions {eg. if they don’t eat their dinner, they get hungry}. While I don’t fully, 100% agree with her, I don’t for one millisecond consider her not mum enough, but I’m sure because her belief isn’t very popular, she has had many comments eluding to that. And I’m sure as her kids grow, they will end up knowing the same stuff as my kids {don’t confuse what she does with permissive parenting where they let the kids get away with murder}.
The simple truth is that no one person, in the history of humankind has done everything. Somewhere in their life, they have skipped an experience. So when someone’s family does something a bit different to how you would do it, or don’t care about something you feel very passionate about, it doesn’t mean they are terrible people, and especially not terrible parents. It just means that not everyone likes everything you like. My mother is very much like this. She can’t understand anyone who likes something she doesn’t like, or doesn’t like something she does. It’s awfully frustrating and divisive.
Oh Emma Kay, how I’ve missed you!
And I agree about the photo. It certainly doesn’t come across like she is feeding for his benefit, or for the benefit of their relationship. It does look a little sexed up, but I can’t put my finger on why. She is certainly giving this defiant look, like she is just using her son as a way to put her finger in the air against “society” or something. I’m sure that’s not why she is still feeding, and I very much hope it’s not, but that is certainly what is coming across with this particular photo. It doesn’t give off much of a happy, loving vibe.
I still haven’t read the actual article, but I just did read a whole heap of comments on a site that I’m assuming is made up mostly if not all, by AP mothers. And they certainly hate it, saying the articles makes them look like freaks etc. So I think the article is definitely not advocating AP. I should just read the article for myself shouldn’t I??? Not that I want to go and buy it.
And I read how putting him on the chair and having him stand that way is purposely making him look older. I don’t know for sure that is why they did it, but it does make sense. That may be part of the sexed up look??? Making him look as old as they can, so it’s not about a mother feeding her young child, it’s about the freak show of a woman with her boob in an older boy’s mouth. Again, I hope that wasn’t their intention, cause I hope better for mankind, but from what I’ve read, it does seem to be what they wanted to get across, and even if it wasn’t, that’s the message many people are taking from the photo. I’m sure the article started out with good intentions, but has very badly missed the spot and is causing a lot of upset
Yeah, I definitely don’t want to go and pay them for this.
From my understanding, the issue just came out, so I haven’t read it either. Regardless, I am peeved with the dialouge of competition often created between moms. We are hard enough on ourselves and shouldnt feel compelled to question or defend every parenting decision we make. That’s it. Rant over. Thanks for your comments though, Em!!
I couldn’t have said it any better myself. AMEN!!!
Naw, thank you
We’ve been without a computer for a long long while. I’ve been able to read your posts on my phone, but not comment. SOOOOO glad I can start commenting again!
I haven’t read the article yet but I like your attitude about parenting. Go with your gut and do what’s best for you and your baby. Now, about the photo, I have an 8-month old and I breastfeed her in any position that she’ll eat, sometimes she sits straddling my leg. . . (don’t judge me, it’s not the picture I had in my head either when I decided to breast feed her, she’s just so distracted by everything. I miss the early months when she would just lay there cuddled with me in my arms.) but then again, it is her primary nutrient and she doesn’t eat much of anything else I try to give her. I’m not sure what the standing 4-year old breastfeeding says about being a good mom – it just sells magazines. And now I’ll have to read it to find out.