5 Tips To Help Fathers Bond With Their Kids

Before I get going on this post, I want to say that my husband is a phenomenal father. This post isn’t to diminish his active role in family legacy building – especially as a multiracial family – but to share my observations on how we, as mothers, can help facilitate a father’s authentic bonding with their children.

Since Daddy D works so much during the week, our children are with me way more than they are with him. He’s at work well before they wake up each morning and, on his longest days, gets home after they’re asleep. That schedule is why the weekends are holy in my family. Those 48 hours are our time – family time – but it’s also their time – the kids’ time – to connect with the most important male figure in their lives.

Building Family Legacy Takes Teamwork

When I told Daddy D that I was going to write a post on how moms can help dads to bond with their kids, he give me the side eye. “What do you mean?”, he tells me. “I don’t need help bonding with my kids”, as he rattles off all the ways he interacts with them. And he’s partially right; he’s amazing, indeed.

But he can use some help. We all can! He’s just one person, who happens to be extremely busy, and if I can ensure the time with his children is authentic to his character, purposed in his values and engaged with his interests, then why wouldn’t I?

5 ways we can help fathers bond with their kids

I’ve been putting these tips into practice since our daughter was a toddler…. and they really work. Even though we have only 48 quality hours together as a family each week (even less if you subtract sleeping, errands, life stuff), these kids love their dad something fierce. That’s obviously because they have the best dad on the planet.

But also because I tell them.

Here are 5 tips for moms to help dad bond with their kids…

1. Talk with your kids about their dad: During the many hours of our week, I tell the kids so much about their dad. Recently, Alina and I talked at length about Dad’s experience as a professional basketball player; how he used to jump really high, travel the world and play in sold out arenas, or that he could dribble the ball between his legs. She thought all this stuff was the coolest ever, and although we went to the park to play soccer, once she spotted the basketball hoops, all she wanted was to spend time with Dad. This, of course, made my husband very proud that his daughter chose basketball over soccer. Who would have thought it?

So often, moms are the storytellers of the family – the legacy keepers. But make sure your kids hear their father’s stories, keeping him relevant to their day to day lives and yearning for more. And then….

2. Facilitate the opportunity: Remembering the detailed conversation I had with my daughter about her dad’s basketball career, it was great luck that open courts were available at the park we visited over the weekend. Or was it…

3. Ditch the stereotypes and gender roles: Since we’re talking about basketball, one way to promote bonding between a father and his daughter is to ditch the stereotypical roles. Of course girls play basketball, so why wouldn’t a former pro teach his girl a thing or two? If their dad loves motor cross, casually take them shopping for helmets. “Typical dad stuff” isn’t exclusively boy stuff.

3. STAY OUT OF THE WAY (but be present): For all that is beautiful in this world, MOMS, stay out the way. Let Dad take the lead. Now that’s you’ve orchestrated a beautiful bonding opportunity centered around Dad’s interest, let him teach, model, demonstrate, clarify, discipline. By stepping back, you’re really saying so much more: your dad is important, smart and knows what he’s doing. Which leads me to…

4. Smile at them and be grateful: I mean it. Literally look at your kids (as they turn to you for affirmation of the bonding they feel) and SMILE. Allow them to see how pleased you are. Without jealousy or condition, smile and show them what you have known all along: this is exactly how family legacy is built.

My husband is amazing. He’s as close to a Super Dad that I’ve ever known. But even he needs a wing man, a second in command, a partner that cares very much about how his legacy is created. Watching him pour his heart into his children on that old, rusted basketball hoop was definitely the best part of my weekend. And he headed back out to work the next day, I know those hours at the park were some of  his favorite too.