When The Best Mom Is Not Mom At All

For as protective of a parent that I am, what I am not is possessive of my child’s love. I come from a professional background in social services, and have had the pleasure of working with some amazing kids that have risen above disgusting, unfair odds. These pint sized life warriors are never too far from my heart and mind as I raise my child today. But the ones who struck at my heartstrings the most were also incredibly  resilient, a term I stay focused on in my child rearing years. {I wrote a two part part post entitled Raising A Resilient Child: Using Nurture To Build A Resilient Nature about my efforts. Check it out, if you wish!}

The ability to form, build and maintain attachments is crucial for a healthy self esteem. Kids learn how to identify those they can trust and to feel comfortable relying on them to meet their needs {including love/attention}. Through positive attachments, a child learns their worth and creates an expectation of how society should treat them.

As an adult, I also know how loving a child can impart an insurmountable levels of joy and pleasure. The world looks so wonderful when viewed from a child’s perspective! When my best friend Nicole had her first daughter almost 12 years ago, I pretty much threw myself into that little girl’s life. Devin was born well before I became a Mother, and also during a time when I was dealing with loss. By allowing me to love, cherish, spoil, play with, read to, enjoy the beauties of the world with her daughter, Nicole allowed me a true gift of healing. And one that only my precious Devin could have shown me. {You could read more about my first baby girl in this post. }

So, given all that, when my dear friend Maya called last week wondering if I wanted to cook homemade pizzas together, I was super excited! Maya is one of those friends I hope every Mom is blessed to have… energetic, fun and full of love. Alina is a spoiled monster when it comes to Maya’s attention {she calls her “My Maya”}, and you know what? I encourage it. I love the bond they are building, and I pray that it continues for many, many years. It helps that Maya and I also share similar values, such as in education and nutrition. So I feel comfortable that Alina is creating, not only an attachment that is positive, but one that aligns with my viewpoints {I told ya’ll that I’m protective! AKA controlling!}.

Alina had a BLAST making pizzas with Maya… she loved standing on her chair {nothing like good ol’ rule breaking!}, rolling out the flour and spreading the sauce. She and Maya went over colors and textures of the ingredients and the shapes of the pizzas they formed. Alina practiced following instructions {from someone other than me}, waiting patiently for the next step, and she continues to build trust in the attachment being created with one of my dearest, best friends. I can see nothing more perfect.

And let’s be honest, shall we? Heavens knows I do not have the energy these days to do the many activities that I should be doing for Alina’s constant development and learning. Being 38 weeks pregnants is taking its toll, and the phrase “it takes a village” is ever prevelant in my life. Having people in her life that educate her, spoil her, or simply just take the reigns for awhile so Mommy could rest, is helping Alina build a skill set that is forever important. Whether its Auntie teaching her new songs, Cindy lending a knee during storytime or cooking with Maya, Alina is building positive attachments and I could not be more pleased.

So what do I think when a day, like this one, comes across and I realize that someone else is mothering my child? And perhaps even better than I could have done at that particular moment? I think its amazing. Honestly. I am so.so.so blessed with amazing friendships, and am thrilled that my child is reaping the benefits.

Thank you for loving our girl, Maya! You are amazing, and will always be Our Maya!