About this Personal Identity Project
Quite honestly, all the philosophical talk of correlating problems and conflicting theories sent my head for a twirl. The hundreds of social scientists, psychologists, anthropologists, each with multiple theories, on such wide ranging topics also made my little brain want to leap out of its skull. Maybe I’m not smart enough, or don’t have enough time to sit and ponder {oh how I loved to ponder in my college years}, but I learned rather quickly that perhaps my Personal Identity Project shouldn’t be based on the ramblings of professional theorists that don’t relate at all to my modern-day identity and those of my readers.
So I threw the books out. {Actually, I returned them to the library.} And decided that this project would be based on theories from yours truly. I may sound like a goof, but hey, this is a goofy kind of blog. Not an academic journal.
I took a five week seminar on personal identity many years ago that was led by a well known psychology Professor at a local university. I remember a diagram that I filled out in which we were instructed to label our identities, with the most important in the center. I wasn’t too happy about minimizing myself to a collection of labels, but I went with it.
The professor explained that, as social beings, we are designed to compromise. That surviving and socializing almost always equates to subjecting our identities to change, or comprise. This idea is evident in modern day identities. For example, a person might be a member of one religion but convert to another in order to marry a person they love. Religion is chosen as an identity {as it is for so many people}, but since another identity {partner to “the one I love”} lies closer to the center, religion is the comprise. This is just an example.
What I remember most, and what I will never forget, is the impact this professor made when explaining the “core identity”. Your core is that piece of you that can not be compromised. That will not subject itself to change, will not alter for less than its entire self, will forsake all other identities in order to maintain the core’s entirety. Your core identity is that little piece of your voice that can never be silenced. This is why figures like Gandhi and Martin Luther King Junior are so impactful; at the essence of their identities is a core that changed the very framework of our world.
I have never believed in, and mentally leaned on, a theory more. And I can’t even tell you what this theory is called or who wrote it. I can’t remember. But I think about my core all the time. I wish I still had that diagram from ten years ago; what were the identities of the me back then? What I do remember is that I labeled my core as “Woman”.
In my early twenties, fresh out of college, full of principle and ideas, empty of substance and experience, I believed the core of my existence was to be a woman, loud and proud. I made some big changes in my life after this seminar, including taking the first emotional disconnect from my jerk of a boyfriend. Jerk boyfriend and proud woman don’t really mix well. My core’s inner voice had been telling me that relationship wasn’t right for me, which is exactly why I was so unhappy.
There is so much that I want to say to my growing daughter. I want to talk to her about being a woman, proud and, yes, loud too. I want to talk to her about being a woman of color, and remembering to see beauty when her surroundings might tell her otherwise. I want to talk to her about being of mixed race, but I don’t know much about that because I am not. I want to talk to her about healthy living, proper nutrition, and how those things can factor into one’s personal identity. I want to talk to her about education, and how having one can infinitely change who you are. And more than anything, I want to talk to her about choosing and leading a life in a state of happiness.
4 Comments
Emma Kay
June 7, 2011 at 4:56 amOh I am so excited too! This is exactly what I need right now. Thank you for this, even though you called it an introduction, you’ve already taught. I had never heard about core identity etc, but now that I have, I understand why even if something is important to me, I can change it to suit something else. I’m going to go out on a limb and in only the introduction say that my core is Mother. I say this because in all other areas of my life, someway or another they have been compromised, but being “Mummy” has never been. Never. Things I thought I could never do or change I have done for only one reason – I have three precious, vulnerable souls relying on me, ME of all people, and that always outweighs everything else. And so for them, I do some hard things. Some very hard things.
Oh I so can’t wait!
Anne T
June 7, 2011 at 4:13 pmI like this. I have many conversations with my daughter about her little social situations in school and one thing I like to instill in her is to not let anyone push you around. I love it because her brain is like a sponge right now and she retains EVERYTHING!!! One day after school, she was telling that so and so said something to her and SHE TOLD HIM blah blah blah. It wasnt quite exactly what I had told her to say in that particular situation, but she was talkin trash back nonetheless and I was pleased LOL. Kids can be rotten (yes even in preschool), and I dont want her to be a victim.
Kids definitely notice skin color. She pointed out to me that her daddy had black skin and that I had white skin. Then she asked me what color was her skin so I told her that her skin was brown. I told her that she has beautiful skin and that everyone wants her skin color lol. Well miss thang later that day was like, “I have the BEST skin of everybody!!” HAHAHAHA and she was loud about it. I dont want her going around bragging and all, so then i had to tell her that everyone had beautiful skin. That everyone was different and beautiful. She always asks questions like why does she have this, or why does she have that, and I just tell her thats how God made them. She asks so many questions and I dont always know what the appropriate answers are, I just try to be honest, well in an age appropriate way.
I worry about her having an identity crisis as I sometimes hear that biracial kids go through. I hope that this doesnt happen with her. I do not think that she has to choose one race, ethnicity, or whatever to identify with. because she is BOTH. I noticed something in the 2010 census, and you were able to choose more than one race. I thought that was pretty cool.
What are your thoughts on these kinds of things?
Kris Martinez
June 19, 2011 at 12:21 amDear Alina,
This blog is a wonderful gift from your mother. It allows the people who love you the most, this opportunity to be a part of your life, even when we can’t. You will probably have all these notes from mom and all these people to go over when you grow up. I wanted to help you and share with you, probably the most important decision you will have in life, the decision to stay healthy. All the other notes will be important, but none as important, to me, then your health.
Growing up I wasn’t a fan of taking direction. I wanted to do things my way. Most of the time, it was a bad direction. I think it is okay to make bad decisions. It’s what you make of them, is where the true blessing comes from. So, when you read this, you may say, “it’s not true, not me, or maybe next week.” And, that’s okay. I encourage you to explore life. But, when you are ready, know that your tio is here to work beside you.
Your mother and I grew up in a household that is probably not as fortunate as yours. Not that there wasn’t love, but time is valuable when you have a family to support. Things like health are easily dismissed when you have to provide. As well, in your life, information is much more accessible, technology is improving, and knowledge is much more powerful. For us though, a Happy Meal, well, was just happy. A few bucks to feed the kids, and it was good. More importantly, for us love was shown through food. It was not odd for me to be served two plates of dinner at night. This went on for all of our youth, up until I married your Tia. You will hear stories of your great-abuelo that you were so blessed to meet. He saw the same problems that I see, but for him, his changes happened too late. His decisions, like the ones you and I have, cost him in his health, in his life. Think about life and what it means to you.
Kris Martinez
June 19, 2011 at 12:22 am(Continuation from above)
Your health is like an engine to other functions of your body. When you are healthy your mind is so much more clear, your immune system is clean and strong, a healthy body will give you confidence. A healthy body will give you purpose. Your mother was a competitive, strong, talented soccer player. It gave her purpose in life to be the athlete that she wanted to be. Being active and staying healthy is cool. Find something active that you like to do and make it yours. It will inspire people and people will like you because of it.
Also, when it comes to health you shouldn’t have to live life scared of catching a cold or, the “germs in the air.” A healthy body (which already contains bacteria), a body free of toxins, will have a strong enough immune system that will protect you. What will get you sick is the stuff they put in processed foods; those are poisons. Then you go see the doctor, and to get you better, she will inject you with more viruses of stuff that can get you sick as well. When you eat, eat whole foods that are not genetically processed. You should know the ingredients of the food you are eating. If it sounds like a scientist made up the ingredients, please stay away. Being healthy combats very dangerous diseases like, diabetes, and cholesterol problems. Ask your mother about this stuff.
When you eat, don’t overeat. Try to eat slow. I am horrible at this. But, learn to eat slowly, it will allow your stomach and your brain time to communicate that you are full. This is where the majority of my weight lose is attributed to. Also, try to always have vegetables in your meals, or salads. You love veggies. It was the first foods your mother fed you. Finally, if you eat your whole plate and want more, drink water, walk around, and come back. If you are still hungry, eat an apple. Remember, the purpose of eating is to fuel your body of vital nutrients it needs to repair and recover. Eating is not something that should be abusing.
Finally, I want to tell you that living a healthy life is not easy. It will require help. You will need support. Being vocal about your goals in life is a tool that I hope you learn to use. Opportunities will present themselves and potentially important relationships will be formed.
I love you very much, Alina. With all my heart.